Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I am all settled into my new place finally and have begun crafting. I've been commissioned to make two cards for a widow friend. Here is the card I made on Sunday. Check back for the second one in the next day or so....







Monday, February 24, 2014

Happy Birthday......

Hope all had a good weekend. I tried to keep myself busy as to not to dwell on all that seems to be hitting me all at once, I know God has it and its all in His timing, but I still worry until He answers or shows me a solution. Praying for ...understanding from some friends of things that are beyond my control. Feeling really alone this last week and yet I know I'm not, manage to unpack one more box and came across things of Wayne's, not sure how this keeps happening as I swear I've placed all his things in the memorial box, and of course emotions flowed freely and glad I was home when it happened...but I guess its God's way of showing me that yes I'm healing, but still have a ways to go and to stay focused on Him. I manage to make another card this weekend, not as detailed, but at least the creative juices are flowing, now if I can just get everything else flowing the same way I'll be doing good. God is good no matter the rough journey I'm experiencing right now.
 

Friday, February 21, 2014

I think the Mojo has Begun to Return....

I am finally moved into my new place, everything is put away and unpacked except for 5 boxes. Still have to paint the accent walls and put pictures up as well as all the drapes, but for the most part I'm pretty settled. I had saved my craft room for last to unpack so I could take my time going through things I've had for years, organizing all the crafty items and arranging so it would be easy to reach when crafting at my desk. My sweet son came over and got all my shelves hung in my craft room and that's when I really began to unpack as now there was a place for everything out of each box. I came across a box of cards I had started two years ago, but when Wayne became ill I stopped and just kind of threw all the pieces in the box thinking I would get to them soon, but that was not the case. So now all settled in my new home, I decided to pull out the box, looking at all I had placed in there 2 years ago and reminiscing of why I had cut, punched and placed the embellishments in it and decided last night to assemble and make a card. I'm sure this wasn't one I had planned on, but it was like putting a puzzle together and this is what I came up with. Simple but elegant I think. But it just feels good to start getting my creativity back and do what my heart has missed doing for so long.

A little late...But Happy New Year!!!!!

Can't believe it's 2014!!! Where did time go? So many changes that are getting ready to take place for me this year! In December of 2013 my family and I celebrated Christmas on December 22nd, which I was dreading due to the fact that was Wayne and I's 21st anniversary. But in the midst of being so emotional that morning, God reminded me that he was right next to me, holding and comforting me through this difficult day. Later in the afternoon I  went over to my son's house  along with my daughter and her family we celebrated Christmas and exchanged gifts. The grandkids were in ooh and awe of the gifts they had received as well as my kids as I had a couple surprises for them as well. As we were gathering up the wrappings, ribbons and so forth to be thrown away, my sweet daughter(in-law) said wait there is one more special gift for Mom/Grandma. Of course I had this shocked looked on my face, but she handed me the box that on top said Merry and Bright. I removed the lid and there was this tear jerker letter written by my grown kids and their spouses acknowledging how strong I had stayed this past year and that although I still had challenges ahead in my new life they wanted me to know that they loved me and to remember that God was right beside me. So after calming myself down from the letter, I see there is this picture of the ocean with the massive waves with a beautiful sentiment written on it as well, okay tears are still coming but not as much as before, then I remove the picture and here sits a black velvet box and I open it and here is this beautiful Jane Seymour Open Heart 14k white gold pendant with sapphires symbolizing the waves and where my beloved had been buried. Now the down pour of tears followed. I asked the children why and they said because we love you mom and when you wear that necklace  you'll always know how much we love you and glad you are our mother/mother-in law. And that Dad is in heaven with God looking down on you.  Needless to say I was so moved and so blessed to have such wonderful kids who are always loving me and making me feel special.

Since August 2013 I had been praying that The Lord would help me find a new place to live not only for financial reasons but because I could no longer come in this home that we shared together without becoming depressed and crying.  Wayne made our home a custom home, with the custom painted walls, the way things were hung and accents to compliment each room. Well God came through in November and I will be moving out on February 1st to a new place that I will able to call "Mine" not ours. I sold the 73 inch TV, the leather furniture that he so dearly loved as we have had leather ever since we were married which was fine, but now I want to make it more girly if you will, our home  was decorated around the Tuscany theme with grapes, vines, and using the colors of Taupe Latte walls with one wall being accented in Cranberry Cove. Now I've decided to pack all that away and my new place will have plaids and florals making a more old English country look. I'm excited about
the bedroom as for the first time I'll finally be able to have to my lavender/heathermist bedroom. But I think the most exciting thing is that I will finally be able to get back into God given talent of crafting. It had been impossible for me to craft these last 16 months due to the fact that Wayne was in that room a lot as he went through his treatments and would sleep while I crafted away. The presence of him was so heavy in the room. But God is good and he has answered some of the prayers already.  I've been

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Hard To Believe Its Been A Year........

Dear Family and Friends,
 
It’s hard to believe it has been a year since my beloved was called to his heavenly home. There have been many changes in my life this past year that I thought I would never have to experience by myself and yet even during my tsunami days of tears, days of being joyful and smiling knowing he was walking with Jesus and as the weeks and months passed how I felt God’s presence next to me each and every single day I continue to give God Glory for always being right beside me and many times feeling his peace and love encasing me in His strong arms assuring me, that I must go on and continue to spread the gospel to lead many more to Him before He returns. But many do not know that Wayne knew in 2011 he was going to be going to heaven the following year so I thought in memory of him I’d share of what took place as we vacationed and understand how in tuned he was with God. As it was exactly one year and three days he was called home from the time of our vacation.
 
In the fall of September 2011 before Wayne became really ill, we took a vacation that was long overdue. We went to Vegas to see The Donny and Marie Osmond Show. On this vacation, we visited many casinos, took pictures, ate at fine restaurants, swam in the pools, did sightseeing, saw a couple of other shows, shared a glass of wine and laughed, but in the middle of the vacation while we were standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching the water show at the Bellagio across the street, Wayne looked at me with a look I’ve never seen before on his face in the 19 years we’ve been married, he said to me, “in 2Kings 20:1- the Lord says-set your house in order”. He said we need to do this…we need to get our house in order as I won’t be here next year”.
 
Not really comprehending what he really meant or as to why he quoted that verse at that specific time while we were watching the water show, I came back with response “of course you won’t be here next year silly we are planning to go to Hawaiiremember?”  I hugged him and said, You’re not going anywhere”. Life was sweet at that moment while we were on vacation and I was totally aloof to his statement. Nothing is going to happen to him I thought and I remember silently speaking to God asking why Lord would he say that to me?Little did I know that 3-1/2 months later I would fully understand as to why he made that comment.
 
I read that exact verse the other day and I can so vividly remember that conversation we had on the
top of the tower,word for word as if it was just yesterday; and not realizing until the 19th day into the new year of 2012, that I truly understood what Wayne meant, we or should I say I didn’t realize that Wayne knew he was going to die in 2012 and God had already prepared and told Wayne what he needed to do. I know with all my heart that God had already given him a vision back then as to what our life was going to be like for the next 9 months in 2012. Which explained when he had his good days, he was buzzing around as if he had an adrenaline high from coffee, repairing and cleaning the house, taking care of things and on the phone handling things that only he could do.
 
I’m Not the Same Woman I Was A Year Ago…..
 
Twelve months ago today I spent the last 86 hours beside my beloved, as a wife, best friend, lover, soul mate, caretaker and strong advocate for my precious husband of 20 years. Four excruciating days later at 1:20 A.M., he joined our Lord in his new heavenly home and I became a member of a new club I never wanted to belong too “A Widow.
 
I look back at this 57 year old woman today, and I hardly recognize her. And although I couldn’t see it at the time, that’s where my transformation began, a transformation that I never thought I was capable of and with the gift of hindsight, I see many changes and differences.
 
I have more gray hair, more than when this journey began that is for sure. There are extra pounds on my frame, most likely from “grief eating and sitting instead of out exercising”. The stress level has become low, there are more wrinkles on my face and my walk is a little slower as I’m constantly in prayer talking with God about every aspect in my life now and what does He have planned for me in this new life as a widow/single woman I am now experiencing and about the loss of my beloved Wayne. How I’ve had to write the last chapter of our life together and close this book of our marriage which I thought would last forever, and my life with my Prince Charming as it no longer exists and is now placed on a shelf in my heart if you will, with many others books on that same heart shelf as I traveled the road of life. But those are just physical changes, an all outward appearance if you will.
 
It’s the inward transformation that has been painstakingly beautiful with emphasis on “PAIN”. Since his death, I’ve learned to really love more deeply and do it without reservation, appreciating the smallest things, the flower budding through the concrete, the butterfly flitting around the umbrella, the baby birds chirping away as I drink my tea in the morning. The joyful glee of my grandchildren, when they are visiting me.
 
My patience has become greater as I no longer worry about time, drive slower to appreciate the scenery God has lain before me; I am more empathetic, and can cry at a moment’s notice. I’m stronger than I was during his illness and that’s only been made possible by the grace of God; I know firsthand how short life can be and I cram every second into every minute into every hour into each day God gives me as I know I’m not promised tomorrow.
 
I’ve learned to forgive more easily and love enormously. Gone are the ill feelings of stubbornness, holding grudges, revenge and sharpness of the sword (tongue) of words and anything else that doesn’t give glory to God. I listen more intently and pray before I speak or respond to someone’s question or concern. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I thirst after God, and try to seek his input in every aspect of my life and decisions that need to be made as I began this journey of being “A Widow”.
 
Am I perfect? Heavens No!!!
 
Am I healed? Not by a long shot! Grief is a journey and the mileage traveled is unknown.
 
Yet, sometimes when we are faced with loss and heartache, we tend to question God, doubting His promise of love and providing what we need and His protection. Although God does have the authority and ability to protect us from every trial and tribulations we go through, He uses these hard times we go through to teach us, to purify us and draw us closer to Him. At times it may seem that God has not provided or protected us in the way we need or desire, but we can rest in knowing that He loves us and is providing for us in the way He knows is best for us to learn to fully depend on God.
 
I’m still under major construction as I travel this road of being a widow but I am so thankful that God has great patience with me. He reminds me that he is the potter and I am the clay that he is molding me to serve him more and reminds me daily to look to him for encouragement, for His great love he has for me; to remind me He is now my husband and will provide for me.
 
As I begin my second year of being a widow/single I knowWayne would want me to go on, to live life to its fullest, to love extra on our kids and our precious grandchildren and maybe one day in the future if it is of God’s will and plan for me that He will once again bring me the love of my life to be with until he calls me home, one to laugh and share life to the fullest with all the while giving Him glory for what he has given, but until that day comes, I will continue to lean on Him, to pray and depend on Him to provide all that I need to get through each day as a widow/single woman. I have been blessed to have had this wonderful godly man of 20 years as my true love in my life and I know that I will experience it once again, but it will be in God’s perfect timing and I will wait patiently and until then I will serve Him and do whatever is asked of me from Him as each new day begins with a beautiful sunrise He so loving sets before my eyes gently reminding me He has my best interest at heart and is with me.
 
Thank you for all your prayers and support during this very difficult year. For your heartfelt comments, for your private messages of prayer and reminding me during my days of uncontrolled emotions that God is good and will continue to be my side, guiding and protecting me and that He has a plan for my life that will glorify Him.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Another Craft Moment...

Can't believe its been over 2 months since I have posted on here, but when you're in the process of grieving, you totally forget about everything that ever mattered to you or the hobbies that you once did. BUt God is pushing me little by little to get back into my room and start crafting. I have a piece to show you, as this was a special day (April 21, 2013) as my sweet friend Marcie Gray came to California to help ready her parents to move back to Tennessee. In her week of being here, she was going to be singing at Pastor Ron Barker's church in Tehachapi and wanted to give him a momento from some of the "old" members from Panama Church in Bakersfield. We put our heads together and found the perfect verse and then added the names in attendance. I forgot how much I enjoyed designing speciality tiles with a certain verse for someone. This was done on a 12x18 Tile and black vinyl was used. I can't remember the cartridges I used, but will come back and update once I find my notes. Excuse the flash, as the church was kind of dark when it was taken.